Letting Go of a Friend at Work: Leadership’s Most Painful Challenge
Hospitality is an industry where human relationships are at the heart of everything. We spend our entire day talking about hospitality, empathy, service and closeness with guests, yet we rarely discuss what it means to apply those same values internally, within our own teams. Sometimes, we find ourselves facing situations that place us in the most difficult dilemma: when letting someone go is not just a business decision, but a personal wound.
Throughout my career, I have had to make many difficult decisions, but none weighs as heavily as when hotel ownership determines that a friend—a colleague with whom I have shared years of work and life—must leave the team. Because when we work in a hotel, we are not simply in a job; we become a family forged in the trenches, a brotherhood built through endless shifts, last-minute events and closing nights when exhaustion and laughter blend together.
When the Decision Comes from Above, but the Pain Remains Below
The great paradox of leadership in hospitality is that we often have to be the face of decisions we did not make. Hotel ownership assesses the numbers, studies costs, reviews performance and, for different reasons, determines that certain changes are necessary. It may be a restructuring, a reduction in staffing or simply a different vision of how the team should operate.
I understand it. The sustainability of the business is essential. A hotel is a business that must be profitable in order to continue existing, and the decisions that are made cannot always be personal. But the problem is that, when the time comes to communicate it, they are not the ones who have to look that person in the eye and tell them that their time at the hotel has come to an end. That part falls to us.
And that is where theory collides with reality. How do you tell someone with whom you have shared sleepless nights, drinks after a shift and even personal problems that their position is no longer viable? How do you separate business rationale from human connection? How do you explain the unexplainable without feeling like a traitor?
The first time I had to let a friend go, I did not sleep the night before. I rehearsed every word in my head, thinking about how to soften the blow, how to make them understand that it was not personal, that I did not want it to happen this way. But the moment we sat face to face, the rehearsed words vanished, and all I could see was the reflection of confusion, disappointment and anguish in their eyes.
In a hotel, letting someone go is not just about taking away their salary. It removes them from a routine, a support network, a second family. For many, the hotel is more than a job; it is a refuge, an identity, a place where they feel useful and have a sense of purpose. And in an instant, we are telling them that all of that is over.
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I have seen many reactions in these situations. Some respond with anger, asking, “Why me?” as though there were a fair answer. Others retreat into silence, their gaze fixed on the table as they process the news with resignation. And then there are those who try to smile, who say they understand and that “it’s okay”, even though we all know it is not.
While everyone reacts differently, over the years I have learned that certain principles can help us handle this moment with as much dignity as possible:
1. Be Transparent, but Sensitive
There is nothing worse than a dismissal filled with excuses or vague explanations. The truth is always better, but there are respectful ways to tell it. If the decision comes from ownership, it is important to make clear that it is not an assessment of their worth as a person or as a professional, but a structural decision.
2. Do Not Minimise the Pain
It is common to fall back on phrases such as “it’s not the end of the world” or “I’m sure you’ll find something better.” But in that moment, for that person, it is the end of a world. Allow them to grieve without rushing their process of acceptance.
3. Avoid Pulling Away
Often, out of discomfort, we avoid the conversation after the dismissal. But if that person was a friend, the bond does not have to be broken immediately. Stay in touch, take an interest in their situation and, if you can, help them in their search for a new job.
4. Give Them a Dignified Farewell
In hospitality, where work is so relationship-driven, it is cruel to ask someone to disappear from one day to the next. Give them the opportunity to say goodbye to their colleagues and close this chapter with pride.
What Remains After Goodbye
After the conversation ends, the feeling of emptiness stays with you. You leave the office feeling as though you have betrayed someone, even though you know it was not your decision. The hotel keeps operating, the team moves forward, but something changes. There is an absence felt in the corridors, in the jokes that no longer sound the same, in the empty chairs during breaks.
Sometimes, with time, that person finds a better path. Some have written to me months later to tell me they found something bigger, something that makes them happy. Others are still struggling, and every time I see their name in a message, a part of me feels that old pang of guilt.
And yet, I know that my role is to ensure the hotel operates well, that the team is okay and that difficult decisions are made when they need to be. I know that being a good leader is not only about celebrating achievements, but also about carrying the weight of farewells.
If you ever have to let a friend go, do it with humanity. We may not be able to avoid the decision, but we can control how we communicate it, the respect with which we treat that person and the support we offer beyond their last day at the hotel.
Because hospitality is a people business, and although we sometimes have to part ways, true hospitality is what remains even after saying goodbye.
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