Dealing with an employee who does not listen creates a mix of frustration and even helplessness. It is a feeling that, as leaders in hospitality, we cannot avoid experiencing at some point. Despite our efforts to communicate clearly, the employee seems out of sync, repeating behaviours that not only affect their performance but also damage the culture of the
team. The problem is not a lack of ability; the problem is resistance—that invisible wall that seems impenetrable, no matter how many times we knock on the door.
As leaders, we expect to be heard, not out of ego, but because we understand the impact every detail has on the overall success of the operation. We strive to communicate our
expectations, to correct with patience and to guide with an approach that often seeks the well-being of the
team and
service quality. But when those efforts fall on deaf ears, frustration grows. And it is a different kind of frustration from the usual. It comes with the feeling of having no control over a situation that, in theory, we should be able to manage.
The question that echoes most in these moments is:
Why won’t they listen to me?. You may find yourself repeating that question internally again and again. Each time the same mistake happens, or when the team is affected because one member is not aligned, that question reverberates. And with it comes a rush of emotions:
weariness,
irritation and even
hopelessness. Because if there is one thing that can drain a leader more quickly, it is the perception of rowing alone, trying to move everyone in the same direction, while one crew member insists on rowing backwards.
The discomfort of not being heard
When an employee seems not to listen, it is not just their behaviour that is at stake. For a leader, it can strike a deeper chord: the feeling that your authority is being ignored or, worse still, that your
effort to communicate has been in vain.
Hospitality is an industry in which every part of the team must work in perfect harmony, and when one part of the mechanism goes off course, it affects everyone.
The sense of helplessness this creates can make you doubt yourself. Doubt whether you are doing the right thing. Doubt whether you have really been clear or whether, at some point in the process, the message has been lost. And sometimes the frustration is such that you wonder whether it is really worth continuing to try to correct a behaviour that seems impossible to change.
It is an exhausting cycle. Because, as leaders, we feel the need to
“fix” the situation. But when every attempt meets the same resistance, that need turns into frustration, and frustration eventually becomes a feeling that we are not making progress.
One of the most challenging aspects of these situations is that, as leaders, we carry expectations about how things should work. We expect that when we provide clear, constructive feedback, change will happen almost automatically. But that is not always the case. When change does not come, we feel challenged, ignored. And that blow to the leader’s ego—although we may not like to admit it—can cause us to lose objectivity.
It is in these moments that an uncomfortable duality emerges: we want the employee to improve, but we also feel an emotional burden telling us that we should not have to deal with this. It is that feeling of: “Why am I spending so much time on something that should be obvious?”
Time is one of the most valuable resources in hotel management, and the time devoted to an employee who does not listen is time taken away from improving other aspects of the business. And yet, here we are, caught in this emotional and operational struggle.
As I once told a colleague:
“You cannot always change people, but you can change how their resistance affects you.” This phrase reflects the bitter feeling frustration leaves us with, but it also reminds us that, at the end of the day, we have control over how we face these situations. The real challenge is not only correcting the employee, but also not allowing that frustration to consume us.
What is most concerning is not only the impact an employee who does not listen has on their own performance, but the
domino effect it can have on the team. An employee who ignores guidance not only affects their own work, but can also create an atmosphere of tension among the rest of the staff. Colleagues may begin to feel that the effort is not shared fairly, that one person is dragging everyone else down. And in an environment as collaborative as hospitality, that is a ticking time bomb.
It is in those moments that, as leaders, we feel the weight of responsibility. It is not just about correcting individual behaviour; it is about maintaining the delicate balance that allows the team to function harmoniously.
When an employee does not listen, what is at stake is not only their performance, but the cohesion of the entire group.
How do you deal with frustration?
There is no magic formula for eliminating that feeling of helplessness. It is part of the process. However, it is important to remember that, as leaders, our ability to
manage our emotions is just as crucial as our ability to lead teams. When the feeling of frustration overwhelms you, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back, breathe and remember that hospitality is a long-term game. Sometimes, what matters most is not immediate change, but remaining calm and consistent in your message.
Because, in the end, although you cannot always control how others react, you can control how you choose to respond.
And if frustration reaches unbearable levels, remember that hospitality is also full of small moments of joy, such as when guests comment on how incredible their stay was… without knowing that, behind that perfect experience, there were moments like this when you thought everything was falling apart. It is ironic, isn’t it?!
It is in those moments that we realise that hospitality, although challenging, remains one of the most human industries and, therefore, one full of imperfections. But that is what makes it so incredibly rewarding.
